A couple of weeks ago I read this book. I wrote this post about my thoughts on the book. I agree with most everything that she has written. In fact I realized that in a lot of ways I was already doing a lot free-range parenting. I would not classify myself as a helicopter parent in any way. When I take my kids to a park, I take full use of the benches, and I have even been known to bring a book or my computer with me. Why not? Isn’t that what they put the benches in for when they built the playground? At the mall, I allow my son (who is almost 5) to walk without having to be stapled to me. I have even been known to let my 2 year old daughter walk as well when she wants. The kids both play outside in our yard without me. So I was pleasantly surprised when I realized just how “free-range” I was.
I also realized that I could go much further. So I decided to take some baby steps towards being more free-range. Alex has started to recognize that boys shouldn’t go into the women’s rest room when we are out. He has been asking to use the men’s room by himself. (Since I obviously can’t go in with him) So I decided that in select places I would allow him to use the men’s room without me. I still choose to use a family restroom when it is available, and there are still places and times that I make him come in the women’s room with me, but I have been loosening my grip some. And you know what, it has been working. I can see a difference in him, in the way he behaves and acts. Some of his “babyish” behavior has gone, not all of it, but it is getting there. I can tell that he feels much more grown up. He loves his new responsibilities, one of which is to take the recycling out to the bin in the front of the house by himself. I have implemented the same philosophy with my 2 year old daughter (though not to the same extent since she is still only 2) He now loves being the “big boy” instead of trying to act like his younger sister. He is doing better in school this year as well.
Today was my first real test in being Free-Range. Here in lovely NJ it is a balmy 20 – 30 degrees this week. So needless to say we have been inside a lot this week. Not because I won’t let the kids go outside, but because they go out and come back in 10 min. late since it is so windy and cold out. They have been getting a small case of cabin fever. So I decided that we needed to make a trip to the Please Touch Museum. I knew going in that it was going to be pretty crazy there. It is Christmas break and it is freezing cold outside. I knew there were going to be a ton of parents doing the same thing I was doing. Getting the kids out of the house for a few hours.
The differences in Alex and Lizzie has never been more apparent than it was today. Alex races from one exhibit to another and back again like a giant ping pong ball. Lizzie on the other hand, finds one spot and will stay and play for ages. That is just who they are. If I make Alex stay in one spot until Lizzie is done playing, he gets bored and starts to cause trouble. If I drag Lizzie along after Alex, she doesn’t get to actually play and experience the museum. And I can’t be two places at once, it is just physically impossible, I am only one person and they are two. I decided that what I needed to do was to loosen my grip a little. What I ended up doing was giving Alex an area in which he could play. This is actually pretty easy to do at this museum because of the way it is set up. I told him that he could go anywhere in that area he wanted but that he couldn’t leave that area until Lizzie and I were ready to leave. I also told him that he needed to check in with me every once in a while so that I could lay my eyes on him occasionally. Let me tell you how well this worked out. I was able to stay with Lizzie and allow her to play the way she wanted, and it allowed Alex to ping pong from one exhibit to another. At the beginning of the trip I sat down with both the kids and explained the rules and showed both kids what the people who worked there looked like. I explained that if they got lost to go to an employee and tell them they were lost. We have been there enough times to know where the bathrooms were and how to use them. So I was confident that we wouldn’t have any problems.
It was the most relaxed trip to the museum I have had with the kids yet. I wasn’t stressed about where the kids were and what they were doing. I even got to sit for a few min. on one of those wonderful benches that were put there for the parents. As we were leaving I took a look around at all the other parents who were leaving at the same time we were, and you know what, I was the most relaxed one in the bunch. Nothing happened to the kids, nobody tried to abduct them, nobody got lost, and nobody was hurt in any way and we all had a great day. I can’t wait to go back, although I think I will use my Safety-Tats next time I go so that if Alex did happen to wander away and couldn’t find his way back the employees would know how to get in touch with me.
Have a happy, and safe, and Free-Range New Year
Heather
